Jealousy And Sadness

Every time I opened my facebook and twitter and saw those friend of mine jubilant, traveling with their loved ones make me jealous and sad.  I also want that happiness to be felt with mine and with my family. I can only imagine things for myself and family. There is no point of arguing myself, but this feeling makes me cry. I can't do anything for my family and loved ones no matter how I try. Including now seeing my grandmother suffering from her illness and can't move in her bed. It makes me sad thinking that I can't bring her there what we build. I want to show to my family the house that my King bought for our future. But I can't do it in this kind of situation right now. No one will blame; only the time is so short. If only I have powers to do things that make my family happy. 

I am full of jealousy even though some people can see that I have more than anything, but they are wrong. I'm happy but bittersweet sometimes. It took some magical spell for me to laugh or feel joy. No matter how I try, I think this is only my luck in this life. Being alive in this world is difficult. More than anything life is unfair. I experienced happiness but more often is thinking of what I've been and what did I do with my life. Why am like this, I can only stare my laptop, keyboard and window thinking all the things I want to achieve. Sometimes it's difficult to breathe when people are underestimating my freedom to express what I believe in. Being always in this kind of situation make me want to be silent and never argue to anyone. I know they are more knowledgeable than me, but please respect me as I respect yours. Changing myself is what I also want including my style, appearances, etc. but I'm afraid being judged. I better to stay silent in my square room and think of better things to do without comparing myself to others.

I felt sad, sorrowful. I was thinking things so fast for our future like we built our house as soon as possible. Buy things for our home, pay bills and soon after if things work out and we have a lot of savings we can travel. I'm stingy and think more about the future than the present. Spend money when you are left with nothing it's not for me. It's better to save now for the future and spend later when there is more. Just the ants, they save foods before the drought is coming and I was like an Ant. In some ways, most people think of enjoying their youth spending time traveling than saving believing that you can never get back your youth without enjoying it. For me, it's better to save now as long as I'm young and healthy than saving when I get old and become miserable when the time comes and left nothing. Saving money when you are old is difficult than when you start saving when you're young. There's an age limit for everything by abiding the law of humanity. I knew how difficult life is because I've been to a less fortunate family. We've been struggling every day in or life before but thankful to my mother she knows how to budget the small amount of my father's salary. It was the key and my inspiration to strive more.

But times is inevitable when there are things that are not coming on your way. I can only see through those situations that I'm now and maybe let it be as the waterfalls couldn't stop as it flows. I can only complain, but I can't do anything. Sometimes I can think of why they have it all and I can only have this. Why they can go there and why I/we can't go there. Lack of money makes things difficult. I hate that money was invented because it only shows the living status of every family in the society. Life is full different emotions; we can say that we are a living creature when we felt those what they called emotions. I may be full of jealousy and sad, but I will not do things bad just to acquire what others have. I will be quietly observing and make the right choice. Wait until it's my time; because life is like wheels, it will turn our life upside down. 

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